Just a settin.

Day 21 living in a hotel…
Megan just told me that I should be blogging about my experiences there. Probably would have started on day one had I known that this was going to turn into a month long experience. On a side note, I don’t know how my fingers are even functioning with this crazy hunger I’ve got going on right now. I have been trying to barter with Megan to get her to come to Moe’s with me a split a burrito – oh the joys of an intern budget. Idle time can make a person go crazy with ideas. I’ve flitted around from one thing to the next this morning. I have been thinking about what in the hell my next step should be, but I keep landing at the same conclusion. 1) I want to be a writer, travel writer to be specific. 2) I need to go ahead and spend the fall in Italy. 3) I am not sure that I want to pass anymore time without Nick beside me. 4) What in the hell am I going to do in Omaha, Nebraska. 5) Is it okay to just do nothing for a while? Take some average, non time consuming part time job and just have fun? Have a huge yard sale, get rid of all my stuff, and get on livin…that’s where I am at right now. Is that irresponsible? I know what will happen – I’m gonna get a job offer the second after I make my mind up to just let loose and live easy. I want to go back to Europe, Asia, New Zealand, Australia…I want to cook and eat and live and love. Eat, Pray, Love style. And that’s okay, right? My fear is that if I do that, just go live with Nick and have fun, that I will get pregnant and then married and fall off the track that I put myself on. I created these ridiculous expectations so why can’t I break them? I think I can, and I think I want to. I want to spend a week cooking, running, picking flowers up and drawing them for no reason – I want to take photography classes and walk dogs and run around like crazy. Real life has not left me anytime for this, and I don’t know what kind of life I am living if I don’t even have time to breathe. The sad thing is that I don’t even have a real job yet and I am already feeling this way. What does that say about our society? Is life meant to be stifling? Are we meant to lose all our creativity to the working world? The key is to find an outlet where you can express yourself – how do we get there? What if I write a book? This is what happens with idle time. I sit and think. Not a good idea.